Wednesday - Feeling Hormonal and Fat

They say you start showing sooner with each pregnancy and I guess it's true.  This is my fourth time to be this far along, and my 2nd since having our son.  I can feel the bump when I lay on my belly and my pants are fitting tighter.  Today was a bit depressing thanks to my hormones though.  I was just starting to feel good and like how I looked in my clothes and now I have a freakin' muffin top!  It'd be one thing if I LOOKED pregnant like my friend who is as far along as I am... but I just look fat.  No bump... just a spare tire out of no where.  It's frustrating and makes it hard for me to watch which foods I eat.  I keep wanting to reach for sweets since I'm gaining weight even while eating fruits, veggies, and lean meats.  *sigh*  Hopefully it's just hormones and I calm down about my body soon.  I really need to start working out each day but I am so exhausted and/or nauseous all day that I just want to lay down or sit on the couch and sip ginger ale and nibble saltines to keep from feeling sick.

Saturday - 11 lbs in 6 Weeks

I figure I have 6 weeks before my Dr decides I should stop doing WWers (or at least before he has me add a snack in each day which will put me over my points). This means I have 6 weeks to stay on plan and lose a bit more weight.  I am a mere 11lbs away from being under 200lbs.  I've already lost 5% of my total body weight which lowers my risks for weight related disease significantly.  Each lb I lose now is just that much more healthy baby and I will be.

If I can lose 2lbs a week by adding more veggies and lean meats to my diet and cutting out the fried fish and chicken then I can be under 200lbs for this pregnancy!   {I tend to buy already cooked frozen foods since they're fast... but they're not very healthy.}  Wouldn't it be awesome to weigh less at the beginning of this one than I started at with my son's?  Think how much healthier I'll be carrying around baby.  I can do this!  I see my nutritionist on Tuesday and I can't wait to ask her some worrisome questions I have about the "pregnancy diet" I'll have to start after 12 weeks... like do I really need 6 servings of grains a day or can an obese mom-to-be eat less than that?  Breads are my downfall.  I can nibble a sweet and be satisfied but I can't eat just one bite of bread.  If I have more than my two slices of toast and maybe 1 pasta WW meal a day I tend to go overboard and eat 10 points worth of bread.  I'll let you know what she advises!

Saturday - Keeping the Gain in Check

I gained this week.  I didn't eat as well as I could, but I did stay in my points so I should have lost.  I am blaming it on the extra blood my body is making...  Not sure if it is yet... but it makes me feel better. lol  The OB nurse said she doesn't want me gaining anymore than 5lbs in the first trimester.  She also said, at my weight, it is okay for me not to gain or even lose weight.  This week's gain sucked but it just means I need to watch my fatty and salty food choices more carefully and exercise everyday!  I'm taking this weight gain as negative motivation to get my butt in gear and be more healthy for this baby and, more importantly, for myself.

My new weight gain goals:
End of December (10 weeks) - Lose 10lbs to get under 200lbs
End of January (14 weeks) - Maintain weight at 199lbs or less
February-April (second trimester) - Gain 5-10lbs for a max of 210lbs
May-July (third trimester) - Gain another 5-10lbs for a max of 220lbs

*This is just a guide to keep my weight gain in check and not a strict "diet".  Obese moms are instructed to gain 0-15lbs during their entire pregnancy, most in the last trimester.  It is even fine for them to maintain or lose weight during the pregnancy as they lose fat and gain baby weight.  Lots of obese mom-to-bes find they lose weight as they begin to eat healthily and exercise daily.  That's what I hope happens with me during this pregnancy.

Wednesday - Portion Control

That is going to be my new mantra.  Ever since finding out we're expecting I've been eating horribly!  I try to keep to my normal diet of fruit, yogurt, chicken, eggs, and toast but I've had fast food twice this week.  My normal diet just isn't appetizing at all.  It is so frustrating.  I look in the fridge and think I ought to have some eggs but all I want is french fries.  *sigh*  I'm just going to have to remember my portion control as I continue in my pregnancy.  WWers doesn't allow pregnant moms in their program anymore so I'll have to stop doing their official lifestyle for a while.  I'm just glad I got the basics down before becoming pregnant.  I need 2 more cups of leafy greens, 1 more cup of dairy, and 3 more servings of grains than I normally eat starting in my 4th month and I should be good for weight gain.  I'm hoping that by adding my pregnancy exercise videos into the mix I'll actually stay the same weight.  I'll be adding baby weight and losing extra fat at the same time.  That is the one good thing so far.  I've been more motivated to work out and get the house unpacked since finding out.  Wish me luck... I'm going to need it!

Sunday - The HCG Diet

I have decided, after much thought and discussion with my hubby of course, that I will be doing the HCG diet.

...and I only plan on gaining 15lbs while on it!  Confused?  We're having a baby!!!

Wednesday - 10,000 Steps A Day

Experts and doctors recommend at least 10,000 steps a day to maintain good health.  On days when I don't leave the house at all I get between 2,000 and 3,000 steps a day.  That means I need at least 8,000 more steps a day.  I crunched some numbers to find out how much walking I need since time is short and the weather is getting cold.  {It snowed today...and stuck!}

2,000 steps for me is .85 miles --- so --- 8,000 steps would be just under 3.5 miles
1 mile takes me 20 minutes --- so --- 3.5 miles means I should walk for 1 hour and 10 minutes each day

If I walk for an hour and half each day {taking in account my slowing down as I get tired}, that should put me in the healthy standard.

Sunday - Feeling Sick

I've been really sick this week.  It started out with nausea and dizziness and ended with a full out attack where my blood pressure jumped up to 150/101.  It was not a good week, but I seem to be feeling better now.  I hope  whatever it was is gone now.  I felt sick to my stomach and ravenously hungry all week at the same time.  I ended up going for breads to settle my stomach and ate too many sweets.  I'm doing well this week so far.  Hopefully I can keep it up and I don't feel sick anymore.

Saturday - Hanging In There

I'm still hanging in there... I didn't lose any weight this week according to my at home weigh in.  My Weight Watcher's weigh in showed a 0.8lb loss.  Not stellar... but neither was my exercise this week.  I've been busy getting the garage cleared out before it snows, which is supposed to be TOMORROW by the way...  It's not done yet, but A.L.M.O.S.T!  It has been so hard getting all those boxes unpacked and everything sorted into keep, toss, donate, and sell.  I was finding papers dating back to 1st grade!  I have everything sorted now, save about 6 boxes; it just needs to be brought inside and upstairs or taken to the donation center.  Some of the boxes coming inside are REALLY heavy so I'm not looking forward to that, but it will be a great workout.  I really need to find a workout to do when I'm done unpacking boxes and moving furniture.  It won't be long {hopefully} before I am done getting the house settled and then what will I do?  I bought a kettle bell, weight ball, and trampoline today.  Hopefully I'll be able to work out with those everyday when it gets too cold to be outside.

Oh and I have BIG news to share but not just yet... when I am ready though, YOU will be the first to know.  All those readers on my Hippo with a Headband site will just have to hop over here if they want to know what's going on. Teehee!  Well, time to get some more work done.  I don't have much longer before it'll be too late to get the garage and upstairs finished.

Friday - On the Subject of Sex

Since I am challenging myself to a Week of Sexiness to feel more comfortable in my new, and still changing, body, and since this blog is a journal, I figured I might chronicle my other problem with sexiness.  I have not had any kind of sex drive in at least 2 years.  It may have begun while I was pregnant even, but I don't have much memory of my pregnancy with Little Bit and I was in quite a lot of hip pain toward the end so obviously I wasn't in the mood.  Since Little Bit was born however my sex drive has been non-existent. There was been a time about four months after Little Bit was born that lasted about 2 weeks, and a time about a month after our miscarriage in January of this year that lasted a few days when my libido was through the roof!  It left as abruptly as it came however and my sex drive has been flat lined before and since.

I am currently seeing a psychologist and my gynecologist to search out all the possible reasons for this to happen to an otherwise healthy 26 year old woman.  I'm too young for it to be happening naturally and in all actuality I ought to be nearing my peak as my childbearing years are becoming slim.  Since I started puberty at 8 years old we are planning on having our last child by the time I am 30 just to be safe.  My Gyn. told me yesterday that I am a conundrum.  Most women have less of, or no, sex drive when progesterone is high, especially while using Depo Provera.  I however had a very high and healthy libido in college when I was on that birth control.  Technically, a woman's libido is at the highest during ovulation each month and progesterone stops all ovulation.  I should have had no libido at all but instead I was just fine.  My husband and I were having sex fairly often; while now we are lucky if I'm in the mood once a month.  That isn't normal... It's been pretty draining on our relationship as you can imagine.  And we all know stress leads to weight gain, particularly around the waist and rear like I have gained these last 3 years, so this is a problem that is effecting all areas of my life.

My Gyn. says he's going to talk with a specialist and see if they can figure out what my body is doing and in the meantime my psychologist has given me some charts so I can track my emotional and physical well being through the month to see if there is any sort of a pattern.  Wish me luck and I'll keep you updated!

Saturday - A Week of Sexiness

I am dedicating this week to owning my own sexiness.  I am not very comfortable in my body.  Most days spent at home I walk around fully clothed in pants and shirts.  I am always wearing panties and bras; I don't even sleep without undies on.  The only times I'm naked are when I take a hot bath or on the, admittedly rare, occasions that the hubby and I make love.  My honey on the other hand walks around in his robe all evening, and that's just because we have the blinds open.  Often I wish I was as confident and comfortable in my own skin as he is.  As I was relaxing in my bath last night and congratulating myself on going a whole week without going over my daily limit I thought, maybe I should make a week of being sexy next.

I decided I would wear sexy underwear, or no underwear at all, every day this week and on the days that I am home I'll actually wear all the sexy lingerie I own but never wear.  I've come a long way since I began losing weight and although my skin is becoming more saggy as the weight sheds away... my figure is finally back to the hour-glass shape I once had.  It's time I started enjoying the fruits of my labor and got comfortable in my own skin again.  My hope is this week's challenge will help me do just that.

Thursday - Sick... :0(

After two weeks of caring for a sick baby I catch the dang virus from the kid bagging my groceries at the store!  I'm not all too happy... but at least Little Bit is still sleeping a lot so I can catch a nap during the mornings.  I'm staying hydrated and trying to take it easy.  Today was a bit of a fail on that part since I ended up moving furniture... but I'll try to rest this evening and tomorrow.  Unfortunately I can't take medication for it.  Last time I took Thermaflu I hallucinated that I had wings.  I know I don't have wings so of course that freaked me the hell out!  Tylenol has been giving me similar dazed episodes so I'm trying to avoid it unless I just can't stand the pain anymore.  Thankfully I am not stopped up yet and my sinuses aren't killing me.  I'm hoping it doesn't get to that point but the Dr says this virus has been lasting 2-6 weeks for some patients.  6 WEEKS?!  Not cool!  The worst thing about being sick is I tend to eat a whole lot more than normal to keep my throat from burning and my stomach from churning.  I've done alright keeping to my points today by loading up on fruit, but I'm afraid I won't be able to keep it up into next week.  The sponginess of bread keeps my throat from feeling raw and my stomach from getting upset and we all know bread loads on the carbs and calories.  I might gain next week, but hopefully I won't be miserably sick.  Wish me luck!

Wednesday - A Week of Discipline

I've decided to dedicated an entire week to eating discipline.  Last Saturday after my weigh in I filled out my dinner online and realized I was at exactly my daily limit.  Right then I decided to challenge myself to stay at or below my daily point limit for the whole week and not use any of my weekly point allowance.  I have been able to keep it up for 4 days so far but I've been hungry every day.  I suppose that's not such a bad thing if I am getting enough liquids, fruits, veggies, and protein each day.  It's just really annoying!  I weighed myself this morning and I was down 1.4lbs.  I've been losing 1/2 to 1 lb a week since being on Weight Watchers.  I just don't know if the extra 1/2 lb a week is worth feeling hungry every day. I haven't been able to concentrate on work or cleaning the house this whole week which is quite annoying too.  I guess I need to decide whether I want to get to my goal weight or get my house in order first.  Maybe the hunger will even out if I continue sticking to my daily point limit and eventually I won't be hungry all the time...

Tuesday - Some Yummy Dinners

I really need to start cooking some yummy, nutritious meals for dinner each night.  Most nights my husband comes home from work and asks me what's for dinner and I just sit there with a blank look on my face.  We end up eating breakfast burritos, tuna, or chili.  Not very tasty nor healthy...  It's time I started having dinner ready when DH gets home, started cooking with more than two ingredients, and started offering side dishes of fruit and veggies!  So, here are some ideas for foods I'd like to put on my weekly rotation:

• Meatloaf with mashed potatoes and green beans
• Steak with roasted new potatoes in olive oil and herbs and asparagus
• Chicken Cordon Bleu with yellow squash
• King Ranch Chicken casserole with green beans
• Baked Chicken with olive oil and herbs and yellow squash baked with onions, ritz crackers and shredded cheese
• Grilled Halibut or Salmon with peas and carrots
• Breakfast for dinner with eggs, sausage, waffles, pancakes, and fresh fruit
• Homemade chili or stew with meat, veggies and potatoes

What are some of your favorite dinner recipes?

Tuesday - A Subtle Sign from my Son

Little Bit was playing with the Wii remote this afternoon and accidentally played one of the work out videos in my instant que.  I decided to take it as a message from my son {and God since I did ask for help in my prayers this morning} and stop what I was doing to get 10 minutes of yoga in.  I found that just 10 minutes had me shaking and sweating and that I really like this instructor.  Her voice is soothing yet still easy to understand, and her instructions are simple enough for the yoga beginner.  She explained the yoga terms in a way that I could follow without having to break pose and see what she was doing.  If you have Netflix I highly suggest you try out 10 Minute Solutions: Yoga guided by Lara Hudson.  If I'm going to be honest, I don't know if I'll be doing this routine everyday, but I will definitely be turning to it more often.  However, right now I need a shower! :0P

Saturday - Gained This Week

And you know what?  It's okay!  This is the first time I have gained weight since starting Weight Watchers and I am encouraged. {Yes, encouraged.} It means that WWers is working for me, because, as you can see, I did not follow the plan last week.  I tried something different and it didn't work for me.  I have learned my lesson and can move forward.

All I need to do is stick to the plan and I will lose weight.  If I can get myself to add daily exercise I'll lose even quicker.  My current goal is to lose 5lbs a month but it would be AWESOME if I could lose closer to 8-10lbs a month until I get closer to my goal weight.  I have exactly 70lbs left to lose, which means I have lost a total of 50lbs!  Not too shabby I'd say.  No, this obviously isn't the least I've weighed during this process, but it's just that - a process, and gaining is a part of finding out what works well for your body.  This week I am planning on eating WWers meals to work on my portion control and see how that goes.  They all range from 6-8 points which gives me plenty left over each day to eat snacks in the mid-morning and afternoon.  I'm looking forward to seeing a nice big loss next Saturday.  Wish me luck!

Tuesday - Made It Two Days

Well I made it two whole days without tracking my food but I don't think I can do it any longer.  This experiment has proved that I am still thinking of food for the majority of the day so it isn't the tracking that is my problem.  Also, I've been snacking more and reaching for sweets more.  I have decided that if I don't want to undo all the work I've been doing this last month on Weight Watchers I need to go ahead and begin tracking my food again. Not tracking works really well for some of the ladies in my group, but I have discovered that it's a tool I need to stay on track.  So today I will begin tracking my food again.  I think it was a good lesson to learn and I'm glad I gave it a try.

My big hurdle now is to add more exercise.  I need to be deliberately working out each and every day.  Yesterday I got up and did some step for about 15 minutes while I watched Project Runway on DVD.  I know it did me some good because this morning I woke up hungry.  That only happens when I've got my metabolism working where it ought to be.  Right now we are working on getting Little Bit into a pre-preschool to help him with his social and speech delays.  That will free up two hours in the afternoons Monday-Thursday.  I can use that time to alternate between weight lifting and swimming at the gym while he's in school each day.  Then I can rest on Friday, swim for fun with the whole family on Saturday, and rest again on Sunday.  Until he gets admitted and enrolled I'll just have to keep finding ways to work out at home.  I have plenty of work out videos on instant netflix, both low impact yoga and high energy cardio.  I just need to make myself get up and get moving to one.

My ultimate plan is to wake up, do my daily devotional, get at least 15 minutes of cardio before LB wakes up in the morning, get him up, fix/eat breakfast with LB and my honey, send my honey off to work and play with LB until lunch time.  Eat lunch with the family, take my sweetie back to work, drop LB off at his half day school, go to the gym, grab a shower and apply my skin tightening lotion, pick up the hubby and baby, come home for dinner, go through LB's night time routine, and do some relaxing yoga before heading up to bed.  Phew!  That seems like a lot to do each day, but I know it's possible.  I'll just have to use my rest days to work on the house and get boxes unpacked.  I'll be one busy woman... but at least I won't have time to think about food!

Monday - Feeling Hungry

I've been feeling hungry these last few days as I've been sticking to my points plus daily goal.  I've been trying to fill myself with fruit and water but I am craving other foods.  It's been hard this week.  I think it's from all the stress this week.  Little Bit isn't doing well; he's not using any words to communicate and instead just screams and screams.  It's getting hard to deal with his tantrums every day.  For the first time today I felt like a mom of a special needs child.  I've seen children with severe cases of autism and downs syndrome and thought how lucky we were that LB's issues are fairly minor.  At times I've felt like I was cheating in having him in therapy.  I know the doctors don't haphazardly label a child with a disability and put him in the exceptional family member program, but it felt like a mistake until recently.  The stress of him not being able to communicate with us is really draining me.  It's like having a 30lb newborn who knows they need something but have no way of telling you what.  He just screams and we have to try everything until we find the right answer.  It wouldn't be so bad if he gave some sort of warning like when a toddler gets sleepy and you know a tantrum is coming, but there is nothing.  He'll be playing happily one second then BAM he's screaming bloody murder the next.

So this week I've been craving comfort food.  Today I did well and have enough points to order a pizza.  I plan on "treating" myself but I'll also stay in my points so that's good I think.  A lot of my fellow weight watcher members don't track their food 100% of the time and lose weight by focusing on exercise instead.  I am the opposite but I really think I need to focus less on food and more on movement.  This week I have done well in keeping at my daily goal so I think next week I might experiment and not track my food.  Instead I will focus on eating the foods I normally eat in a healthy portion sizes and exercise every single day.  Who knows, it might be the thing I need to keep this weight loss going.

Goals for Next Week:

• Lower stress levels by: 
• doing nightly calming yoga
• using the massage chair
• and nights out both alone and with the hubby
• find a babysitter!
• Focus on healthy portion sizes
• not how many ounces per food I'm eating
• Work out in some way every single day!