Friday - On the Subject of Sex

Since I am challenging myself to a Week of Sexiness to feel more comfortable in my new, and still changing, body, and since this blog is a journal, I figured I might chronicle my other problem with sexiness.  I have not had any kind of sex drive in at least 2 years.  It may have begun while I was pregnant even, but I don't have much memory of my pregnancy with Little Bit and I was in quite a lot of hip pain toward the end so obviously I wasn't in the mood.  Since Little Bit was born however my sex drive has been non-existent. There was been a time about four months after Little Bit was born that lasted about 2 weeks, and a time about a month after our miscarriage in January of this year that lasted a few days when my libido was through the roof!  It left as abruptly as it came however and my sex drive has been flat lined before and since.

I am currently seeing a psychologist and my gynecologist to search out all the possible reasons for this to happen to an otherwise healthy 26 year old woman.  I'm too young for it to be happening naturally and in all actuality I ought to be nearing my peak as my childbearing years are becoming slim.  Since I started puberty at 8 years old we are planning on having our last child by the time I am 30 just to be safe.  My Gyn. told me yesterday that I am a conundrum.  Most women have less of, or no, sex drive when progesterone is high, especially while using Depo Provera.  I however had a very high and healthy libido in college when I was on that birth control.  Technically, a woman's libido is at the highest during ovulation each month and progesterone stops all ovulation.  I should have had no libido at all but instead I was just fine.  My husband and I were having sex fairly often; while now we are lucky if I'm in the mood once a month.  That isn't normal... It's been pretty draining on our relationship as you can imagine.  And we all know stress leads to weight gain, particularly around the waist and rear like I have gained these last 3 years, so this is a problem that is effecting all areas of my life.

My Gyn. says he's going to talk with a specialist and see if they can figure out what my body is doing and in the meantime my psychologist has given me some charts so I can track my emotional and physical well being through the month to see if there is any sort of a pattern.  Wish me luck and I'll keep you updated!

Saturday - A Week of Sexiness

I am dedicating this week to owning my own sexiness.  I am not very comfortable in my body.  Most days spent at home I walk around fully clothed in pants and shirts.  I am always wearing panties and bras; I don't even sleep without undies on.  The only times I'm naked are when I take a hot bath or on the, admittedly rare, occasions that the hubby and I make love.  My honey on the other hand walks around in his robe all evening, and that's just because we have the blinds open.  Often I wish I was as confident and comfortable in my own skin as he is.  As I was relaxing in my bath last night and congratulating myself on going a whole week without going over my daily limit I thought, maybe I should make a week of being sexy next.

I decided I would wear sexy underwear, or no underwear at all, every day this week and on the days that I am home I'll actually wear all the sexy lingerie I own but never wear.  I've come a long way since I began losing weight and although my skin is becoming more saggy as the weight sheds away... my figure is finally back to the hour-glass shape I once had.  It's time I started enjoying the fruits of my labor and got comfortable in my own skin again.  My hope is this week's challenge will help me do just that.